young tyler. full of swagger. self-worth: $priceless
Know your worth.
Then add tax.
I preach it all day long.
"Know what your skills are worth. Decide what you want to make, then add tax"
But when it comes to applying it to myself, I’m as hypocritical as it comes.
I guess when I really think about it though, it’s not hypocritical. I may “know” my worth, but two sneaky little bastard’s have done a doozy on my psyche over the past 2 years.
Imposter syndrome and gaslighting. Those are the sly little weasels that, both professionally and personally, have taken what was once a complete confidence in my skills and what I have to offer, and puréed them into a pulpy mushed-up mess of doubt and insecurity. Not cute.
Imposter Syndrome According to Wikipedia (legit source), “Imposter Syndrome is a psychological pattern in which one doubts one's accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a "fraud". Despite external evidence of their competence, those experiencing this phenomenon remain convinced that they are frauds, and do not deserve all they have achieved”
Gaslighting “Gaslighting, an elaborate and insidious technique of deception and psychological manipulation, usually practiced by a single deceiver, or “gaslighter,” on a single victim over an extended period. Its effect is to gradually undermine the victim’s confidence in his own ability to distinguish truth from falsehood, right from wrong, or reality from appearance, thereby rendering him pathologically dependent on the gaslighter in his thinking or feelings” (britannica.com)
-Not trying to sound like a victim, but... that shit stings.-
Introspectively, my lack of self-care has obviously fueled my inability to withstand the external hits to my morale and has only encouraged my self-depreciation. So, my bad. I accept responsibility and know that taking care of myself will inevitably make me feel better physically and mentally. ((Puts the ice cream back in the freezer...))
Working on getting my spine back. Saying NO to things that don’t move me forward. Saying NO to putting out fires that I didn’t start... and even tried to prevent. Saying NO to working for less than what I’m worth. Saying NO to favors.
In the meantime, if anyone needs help with anything, let me know. I work for cheap.
Wait, SHIT. There I go again.
Next post, we dig in to gaslighting and imposter syndrome and tackle some ways to kick those nasty a-holes to the curb and get your confidence back!